im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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