first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
