I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize