apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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