did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.