i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?