Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad