I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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