I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize