can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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