the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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