I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize