I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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