I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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