i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
