covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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