a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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