Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
