wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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