he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
