no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
