He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
