I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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