My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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