I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
