Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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