We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
