Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.