my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.