i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
