This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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