Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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