I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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