Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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