that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
