rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
