It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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