fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Houston, we have a squirter
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
