ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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