I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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