she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
