I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
