Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
