I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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