Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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