someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
