don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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