shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
