remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
