You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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