So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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