I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
