Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize