Sry I called you an 8
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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