You made me cry and you don't even care
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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